Self Portrait 2 - Happiness

Watercolor pencil on paper.
I had fun doing this self portrait. First, I shot a couple photos with my Nikon P6000 so I would have something to go by. I have been experimenting with different types of watercolor paint. Solids, liquid concentrates, and pencils all have their place. On this image, I decided to do the whole thing in pencils, then spray and paint on water for an effect. As usual, I should have left well enough alone! The colors and textures changed too much in this case. For instance, Erin, I really was blonde this time before the water went on. In spite of all that, I kind of like the playfulness of this image, and I learned something about the technique.

A word about the happiness part: I've been giving much thought to contentment and what it takes to be happy. Like trust, if you approach happiness as if it were the null hypothesis and try to prove it's there, by convention, you never will. Perhaps instead it should be approached from a foundation of faith -- I believe in happiness, and all I have to do is trust and be. Let's give that a try!

Gray Umbrella

Pastels and watercolors on paper. This is another image I have had in my mind the past few days. I hope you can make out the silhouette of a woman walking through a driving rain at night. Flying hair, bleak winter oak, the protection of a simple umbrella, slogging home to a warm quiet place. Alone.

Cityscape Fairy

Here is another view of one of the sculptures from Northerly Island in Chicago. I don't like it. I consider it unfinished, but in addition to not liking it, I don't want to finish it either. The problem I have with this image is the paper is only 90 pound. And I am hard on paper, as I am hard on clothing and shoes. I fidget and tap dance. I run when I should walk. I climb on rocks in leather-wrapped heels as the spirit moves me. I carry good handbags in the rain and wear suede jackets on boat trips. I'm sloppy with food. I brutalize watercolor paper. I layer and layer the paint until I'm satisfied. I get coffee on it. I like saturation with lots and lots of color. I use pastels on wet paper. Lightweight stock pills and looks tattered given this abuse.

My other issue today is that I haven't been very productive for a few days. Creativity comes in spurts and fits. For those of you who thought doing a painting per day was ambitious, you were correct. Too ambitious. There are other topics for me to blog about, and I intend to post some days without artwork. The past two days, I just didn't know what to say, and so I was silent. If you are following this blog, bear with me. It may be drivel, but I promise if it is, it was an accident and that I will do my best not to bore you.

Prairie Fairies at Northerly Island

Magical, mystical bronze sculptures on Northerly Island along the waterfront of Chicago are the subject for this piece, painted in watercolors and oil pastels on paper. I was there in Chicago with friends at the end of summer. It was a happy time, filled with singing, laughter, jalopy riding past Adler Planetarium and Soldier Field (i.e. quadracycling--not recommended for the faint of heart, but you can rent these at navy pier if you feel like putting your life in danger one day,) and the joy of celebrating a friend's recovered health. This work started off being airy, light, mysterious, detailed, filled with blue skies and bright wild flowers. As the day went on, I just couldn't stand it. The gray and brown pastels jumped out of the box onto the paper. The lead fairy conjured up a storm over Lake Michigan, and my heart turned cold with the chill in the air. I was not satisfied until the clouds set in, and the sun was completely blotted out. I can almost hear the fairy in the background saying, "Not this again. Cousin, why can you never be content with a sunny afternoon?"

Of course I love the happy memory that inspired the original idea, but I am intensely drawn to the eerie, enchanted, mischievous, anything can change in an instant feeling that came out in the end. It also gives me hope. If enchantment can be found in the old Meigs Field airstrip that Mayor Daley,in the name of homeland security, had torn up in the middle of one fateful night in 2003, it must be possible for some magic to be uncovered in the mountains around Salt Lake City.

'Round Midnight

Water colors and colored pencils on paper.
This was an image from my mind's eye. Not really sure where it came from, but it is a very young woman, late at night, perhaps just leaving the opera. Something from behind startles her, and she gasps as she looks nervously over her shoulder while clutching her pearls. The feeling I get from it is like walking after dark in Manhattan, stepping swiftly, trying to feel confident, but all the while checking every alley and side street for lurking danger. I suspect this feeling is in my sub-conscious, because there is uncertainty in my career right now.

The other interesting note is that half-way through this painting I started singing the old standard, 'Round Midnight. If you've never heard Mel Torme's version, you must go to iTunes immediately and download it. The painting goes best with a haunting melody.

For those of you who loved the image of Vida, stay tuned, there is more to come. Also, I am very excited to be doing a project to go with some beautiful poetry by a gifted writer friend. Check back daily for more!

Purr-a-Vida!

Today’s post is my beautiful Purr-a-Vida. She is my constant companion, the sponge for my affections. A rescue cat, her person was a veteran with limited means who none-the-less took meticulous care of his three cats. He had a short battle with cancer and died in the hospital where I sometimes worked. Although I didn’t know him, I felt a connection by virtue of our being in the same building I suppose. Vida came to me at the age of 8 years, happy to finally be acknowledged as the diva she is. A big, shiny cat with not a single neurotic tendency, she has two basic modes – ferocious play and sublime sleep. The rest of her day is split between purring on my lap and watching the ducks out the window. After a long silence at the beginning, it finally occurred to her one day she should talk back to me when I blabber to her, which is fairly constant since we live alone and she is generally a good listener. She has taken to conversing with me in little barking and trilling sounds, like most of the cats who have graced me with their presence in the past. Vida may not be neurotic, but perhaps I’m rubbing off on her a little! The emotion here is pure and simple…companionship, love, and devotion.

Hopeful Resignation

Today's piece was created in pastels and water color on paper. The emotions I experienced during the process were warmth, friendship, gratitude, and unrequited love. The expression captured is one of acceptance and contentment. Although it looks like it should be a portrait, and despite the fact that the image was roughly based on a specific person, this art should not be mistaken as portraiture. The man who inspired the picture is quite successful and a great artist, one who has realized through experience that money takes a backseat to passion and creativity. He is energetic and driven. Intense melancholy is not the first thing you notice about him in real life, but in fact, there is definitely a hint of sadness there most people would never see. I suppose the amplification of the sadness was in part another reflection of my own state of mind. I guess we'll have to label these "unportraits" until I come up with something better.

Welcome to Visceral Paintings

This blog was inspired by a simple self-portrait and the dialogue it generated. Although I created it hastily and without over thinking, the picture's interpretation baffled me. I started working with a clean sheet of paper, a box of paints and pastels, and a completely clear mind. It had been literally years since I had taken the time to capture an image from my mind's eye. Colors were chosen by what moved me in each moment. Marks were made on the paper based on instinct. The colors and lines flowed from one to the next until the end product, with its despair, resignation, disturbing hues and ominous flood, appeared upon the page. The process resulted in something I didn't quite understand. My own haunting eyes finally forced me to turn to friends for help deciphering it.

One wise friend noted that I appeared to accept with sadness, but not fear, the inevitable fate of the water rising to engulf me. Another dear soul, who is also a yoga instructor, suggested the darkness was around me, but I seemed to be buoyed up by some mystical force during a stormy period. Blue being the color of the 5th chakra and representing the throat area, the water may indicate a desire to speak my authentic truth. Perhaps through honesty and authenticity, I can put the darkness behind me.

People have described me as pragmatic and logical, and most of the time I would agree with that assessment; however, there are times that emotions and feelings trapped way beneath the surface simply insist on being acknowledged. Sometimes they are confusing and seem to make no sense through the filter of rational thought. What I have come to realize is that there is power in allowing the mind to create an image without the unnecessary intervention of consciousness. There is certainly value in analyzing, editing, and reflecting on our thoughts, but there is also wisdom in allowing the soul to express itself freely, and then listening to what it has to say. The art posted here and my thoughts on each piece reflect the desire to tap into this torrential stream of emotion and give it a voice as well as an image. I hope you enjoy the posts, and I welcome your comments.